Morning Musings

This morning was the first time in months that I was able to just be lazy. Can I get an AMEN. So upon waking up ridiculously late, I made some breakfast and coffee, sat down and had some much needed QUIET time with Jesus. Notice the capitalized quiet?? Like so many others, my life is a series fast paced events that leave little time to just be still. (seriously…today is the first time to clean my apartment in a while…)

So I woke up and decided to eat a grapefruit and be thankful. This led me to Psalm 139. David gives such a raw and intimate view into his heart. He recognizes that he is, because God made him to be. This always so amazing to me. God MADE me, He MADE you, He MADE everything. We are the product of the ultimate Creator! Not only did He make us, He loves us with such a fierce love that we can never match or deserve. This is a reason to be excited and staying on holiday topic, thankful.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well” Psalm 139:14

My heart is so full knowing that God cares about every single thing about me. He made me unique and creative and gave me a personality that is different than anyone on earth. He gave me gifts and a passion to use them. He has given me a network of fantastic, beautiful people that I am beyond blessed to be able to call friends. I could go on and on about what I am thankful for, but don’t worry I’ll stop. J

What is important to understand, is that it is unfortunately just as easy to be ungrateful. It is entirely consistent to your attitude. 

So those are some of my thoughts on this lovely morning before Thanksgiving.

I encourage you all to start living a life of thankfulness! Even tomorrow if you are dealing with burned food or crazy family! 

Have a blessed holiday!

-Jordan-

I Have What?!? (My story of an unexpected diagnosis)

OKAY.

I have wanted to write this for a few months now, I just didn't know how to approach it.

In April of this year I was diagnosed with MS (Multiple Sclerosis). This is an auto-immune disease, and basically the immune system tries to over achieve on its job and in doing so is attacking the central nervous system.

That said, I was in complete shock. It is one of those unexplained things that no one knows why you have it or how to cure it. Over the past months there have been several tests such as MRI's and the dreaded spinal tap (which actually wasn't that bad :) ).

Right after we found out, I decided that I didn't want to tell people, Not because I was embarrassed or anything, but more because of the way people think.

Before I started seeing the neurologist, I took my weird numb leg thing to my regular doctor. She informed me of all of the possibilities of what it could be. When  MS was mentioned, I knew in my spirit that this was going to be my storm.

I decided right then that whatever these tests said, that I was going to stand on the Word of God.

Psalm 30:2

O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.

Since my family didn't have this revelation sitting the dr's office, when the results came back they were a bit taken aback. I realized then, that God had given me over a month in advance to get prayed up and my faith built up in order to be a rock for them.

Okay back to the not telling people. No matter how thoughtful or helpful someone is, in some situations you just don't want to hear it.

My reason was because I have not accepted the diagnosis. 

Psalms 19:14

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

I believe that who we let speak into our life, is just as powerful as what we speak over ourselves. So instead of giving people a platform for worry, negativity, or uneducated opinions, I kept it to myself. 

Now obviously I did tell my family and close friends and even people in my church that I knew would stand with me in prayer. Over time I have been able to tell more people in my life, but with the strong faith of someone victorious over this disease, not a victim. 

I can't say I have only been strong and not felt beaten down at all through this. Let me tell ya...there have been some moments that I just cry and asked God why.

When you are laying in your bed with terrible pain from the legions on your spine, or wake up and your hand can't hold your coffee cup, it's hard to see sunshine and unicorns. 

But in all that God is there. In the questions there is a peace that I have only known because of this storm. Having that sometimes makes this seem worth it. It's like God needed me to take a time out from my life and learn to actually rely on him fully. Some would look at a incurable disease and see no hope, but the amazing part in this, is that I will be a living testimony to everyone that God is the cure.

Please understand that I am not insinuating that God just lets people suffer to teach them lessons. NO. He is perfect and the healer. Sin coming into the world so long ago, is the reason we as humans face these attacks. God can however use what Satan meant to destroy you, to bring glory to Himself and to speak to you in a new way. 

1 Peter 2:24

He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.

I hope that makes sense in writing as much as it does in my mind. 

Even though I believe that Christ has already bought my healing and that I will have the testimony of being freed of this disease, I still am wise. The medication process has a complete pain up until a few days ago when I got a call that informed me I would be getting my half a million dollar a year medicine for FREE. 

Can I get an AMEN! Such a blessing! 

So to end this very long look into my brain, I just want to encourage you.

If you are going through any trials whether it be physical or not, trust God.

I challenge you to just try it out! He won't leave you hanging, he always answers, and is always there. 

Lots of Love!!!